


Cough Syrup

by pigeonprince (alexgastank)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, This is honestly just suga being sad and i hate myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 18:32:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2783417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexgastank/pseuds/pigeonprince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tears filled your eyes as you sat on the edge of your bed, covering your mouth to muffle your sobs.</p><p>It had been over two years since you’d done anything like this. Since the day you’d promised that beautiful brunet boy you’d stop. You felt like such a failure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cough Syrup

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This work contains triggering material. I added the tags for a reason. 
> 
> Furthermore; This fic is very personal for me. It was extremely cathartic for me to write and I mainly wrote it for myself. This would have just stayed a vent fic in my journal but I liked how it was coming out and I figured it was high time I post something that shows my true colors as a fic author lol.  
> (i.e. I write a lot more fics that are sad than fics that are cute and fluffy.)
> 
> EDIT: wow i cant believe the positive reactions ive gotten!!!  
> It means so much it really does.  
> I'm currently working on a prequel for this and i may write a continuation as well.  
> Thank you for all the encouragement. It means so much   
> -Prince

Tears filled your eyes as you sat on the edge of your bed, covering your mouth to muffle your sobs. Pain shot up from your lower thigh where you’d dragged a blade across moments ago

What had you done?

It had been over two years since you’d done anything like this. Since the day you’d promised that beautiful brunet boy you’d stop. You felt like such a failure.

You had only planned on placing a small mark on your upper thigh, high enough to hide and small enough to play off. But once you’d started you couldn’t stop, and now your thigh resembled that of an animal attack victim’s. Or at least you thought it did.

_'No one’s home…'_

_‘Whos gonna know?’_

_‘Who’s gonna care?’_

The dangerous thoughts crept back into your head. Your sobs only grew louder.

Why did your parents have to go out of town? Why did they have to leave you alone?

_‘You’re worthless…’_

_‘Useless...’_

_‘Just die.’_

You swallowed hard. You didn’t want to think thse things but you couldn’t help it. You didn’t mean anything to anyone. Karasuno could easily survive without you. Its not like they didn’t have another, much more skilled and capable setter. Your family might care, but they’d be better off not dealing with you.

 

You stood up from your bed and made your way to the bathroom.

 _‘I’ll feel better after a nice warm bath…’_ you told yourself. You were careful to move any sharp objects away from the tub beforehand.

You turned the water on and watched the tub fill up. You put your music on shuffle and placed your phone on a stool near the tub. Slowly, you sat in the warm water, mindful of your wounds, and sank down until the water came up to just under your nose. You shut your eyes and let the music fill your head.

_“Life’s too short to even care at all_   
_I’m losin’ my mind losin’ my mind_  
 _Losin’ control…”_

You felt tears sting your eyes.

God this was hard…

You took a deep breath in and sunk all the way under water.

You just sat like that until you thought your lungs would burst. You sat up quickly and gasped in a breath of air.

 _‘Life is so fleeting…'_ You thought to yourself.

The same song was still playing.

_“If I could find a way_   
_To see this straight_  
 _I’d run away…”_

__

You pulled your knees up to your chest and shuddered.

Your eyes wandered around the bathroom, looking for some kind of solace. A bottle of your mother’s sleeping pills sat on the sink.

_‘This could be it...’_

_‘Do it...’_

_‘You want to.’_

You learned forward and picked up the bottle of pills.

_‘It really is that easy isn’t it...’_

_“I’m waiting for this_  
 _Cough syrup_  
 _To come down…”_

You opened the bottle and just stared at the white round objects inside. You poured a few into your hand. Everything was dizzying.

Your thoughts overlapped with the music.

_‘One swallow…’_

_“One more spoon of cough syrup now…”_

_‘It’ll all be over...’_

_“One more spoon of cough syru --”_

Your daze was broken suddenly by the loud buzzing of your phone.

Someone was calling you.

You peaked over to see who it was.

A photo of you and a broad shouldered brunet boy lit up the screen.

Daichi.

_‘How could I be so stupid...’_ You thought, shakily pouring the pills back into the bottle.

Slowly, you dried your face and lifted the phone to your ear.

“Suga!” Daichi sounded relieved. “Thank God you’re okay! I texted you and you didn’t answer. I was worried…”

You felt your eyes fill with tears once again. You tried to contain yourself. He continued talking.

“You seemed so sad during practice. Your serves weren’t like they usually are. I don’t quite know what it was but… Are you alright?”

All at once, you felt yourself collapse. You couldn’t hold back those tears. You felt so guilty. How could you do this to Daichi? You broke your promise. You would have left him all alone. You felt your sobs become more violent. Your breath became sporadic and your shoulders shook.

“I’m so sorry!” Was all you managed to choke out.

Daichi was quiet for some time. Then he said; “I’ll be over in ten minutes. Do you need anything?”

You sighed. “N-No…”

“Okay… I’ll bring your favorite tea and some popcorn seeds.” That was so like Daichi. He used to do this a lot. You’d call him crying and he’d come over with tea, a snack, and a movie, and he’d hold you close and tell you how much he loved you.

You took in a breath and whispered; “Alright…”

After hanging up the phone you stood up from your bath. You’d have to tell him, even though it would break his heart.

It took Daichi almost exactly ten minutes to be at your front door. You opened it to find a concerned looking Daichi carrying grocery bags and a duffle bag over his shoulder. He almost looked like he’d drop everything if anything was shifted slightly.

“Suga!” He moved fast. In what you were pretty sure was under ten seconds he’d dropped every single bag in the entryway and pulled you close to his chest. You wrapped your arms around him and held him close, burying your face in his chest. He held you like that for a bit before whispering. “Where is it?”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. “My leg…”

“Is it cleaned up?”

“Sort of… I took a bath afterward…” You sighed “But…” You gripped his shirt in your fists. “I almost… tried to…” You choked back tears. He held you tighter.

All at once he lifted you up into his arms and carried you up to your room. He sat next to you on your bed.

You looked at him. “D-Daichi what’re you--” His lips were suddenly pressed against yours. Tears fell down his face as he caressed your jaw. You felt tears sting at your eyes as well. Daichi saved kisses like this for special occasions. When he kissed you for the first time, when you shared your first slow dance at prom, when you made plans to move in together after graduation. Whenever Daichi wants you to know just how much he loves you, he kisses you like this. “Because sometimes words aren’t enough…” He’d once said.

When he pulled away he held you close. You could feel him crying. You’d never seen this man cry. You’d seen him tear up, you’d seen him sad, depressed even, but in all your years of knowing him the way you do, you’d never seen him cry. Not like this.

“Daichi…”

“I love you so much Suga… Please don’t leave me. Please. I need you.” He held you tighter. “I just… Always remember how much I love you alright? Don’t ever feel like you need to do this. Ever. Just call me.”

You nodded. “I know… I just didn’t want to burden you…”

“It’s more of a bother that I find out like this after it’s happened…” He sighed. “I love you so much… So much Suga…”

You nodded. “I know… I love you too…” You smiled. “I won’t ever again… I promise… I swear…”

He nodded and kissed you again. “I trust you… But I’m staying tonight… Where are your parents?”

“Tokyo…” He sighed. “They’re away on business until next Tuesday.”

“Okay… I’ll stay till next Tuesday then.” He smiled.

You smiled back and giggled. "Okay."

He kissed you quickly. “Now… I brought a bunch of snacks. Pick a movie. I’ll start gathering blankets and we’ll huddle on the pull out couch downstairs. Sound good?”

 **  
**You ended up falling asleep with your head on his chest, bodies entwined, wrapped up in blankets, feeling like nothing else in the world mattered except this moment right here.


End file.
